Four nights of restless sleeping have lead to this day. Hardly able to breathe at night (feels like desert dunes have settled in my nasal passages by day end due to the dust about), no amount of nose blowing or saline nasal spray (kindly given to me by Michelle) provides relief. I’ve really started settling into this place, & even though my immunity feels compromised, I still feel relaxed & stronger by the day…..enough perhaps to begin some profound pondering of life.
Isn’t it always the case that when you stop & give yourself the opportunity to just be (not do) for a while, the stuff you’ve been trying to work around (read: escape from), let go of, or simply get out of your head decides to flood right back in. Back home with work & so many other distractions, it’s easy enough to just keep the thoughts at bay, at least for a time. Being in an unfamiliar environment, with more than enough time& space on your hands, it’s not so easy to keep on avoiding what needs to be dealt with. At some point you have to stop & look at what’s there – either now or sometime in the future – to keep sanity in check.
And so, for the past two days, after finally succumbing to the inevitable, my hand’s been busy journaling out all the thoughts playing upon my mind, haunting my nights, keeping me from restful sleep. Thoughts designed to keep one away from the perceived boredom, restlessness, & intolerability of the present moment – away from the discomforts that permeate your life situation. And underneath, the core questions one needs to answer at different times in life: Who am I to me? Who am I without my (usually carefully constructed) distractions, dramas, work, significant others, lifestyle? What’s the really important stuff? What defines me? What do I stand for? What am I running away from? What do I want this life to really be about?
The soulful energy of the Himalaya working its way through me…..